what a fucking waste

what a fucking waste
to leave in such haste
all for the sake of
a little more taste
of oblivion

all the songs left unsung
all the words left unstrung
together into lasting glory
why would anyone bother now
with an unfinished story
with such a sad ending
heart-rending
just a fucking waste

broken things
and bad hands dealt
i have felt
could have been mended
and yet dear friend
our acquaintance has
so suddenly ended.

i shut you out
and the things
i heard about
you
do i feel guilt?
or anger?
disappointment?
or relief for your release?
conflicted thoughts
that will not cease

for now i just shake my head
and ache
what a fucking waste.

(for Umar I. died June 2019)