Instructions to those befuddled in relationships

Control the pace

And don’t drown her with details

And emphasise information

Make diagrams, if necessary

And for god sake,

Be logical.

Tell her if it hurts

That it doesn’t bend that way

It will break

Know that they are not knobs

To twirl

But a person is attached to them

And sometimes it does help

To lie

And let sleeping dogs and all

And sometimes to take a no

But mostly learn to crawl

And not mind it

If she has lost a thought

Make an effort to find it

Four play

Warm up before you go

And do not for the life of me

Tell her ‘I told you so’

Tell her she is a strong independent woman

Tell her there is one inside you too

Your feminine side

Fake to cry

If you can’t at the movies

Bend over and wet your eyes

With saliva if need be

Make sure you are not mememe

And tell her she can be

All that she wants to be

But make sure she doesn’t get there

Are you kidding me?

If she gets somewhere

She will leave you behind

And all these followed instructions

Would then have been a waste of time.